January 20, 2010
SEC and DoJ to recommend breaking up Ryan Seacrest
(WASHINGTON, DC) After a 6-month investigative process, officials at the SEC and the Department of Justice are expected to announce today their decision to recommend breaking up the Ryan Seacrest monopoly. A leak of the document shows the DoJ will claim that Seacrest, “has formed an anticompetitive cabal that threatens to corner the market of beloved host spots, leaving no room for free market competition.”
The investigation began last summer, when several up-and-coming TV hosts joined together to petition the government to break up the Seacrest monopoly.
Their statement then read, “From Standard Oil, to AT&T, to today Seacrest, monopolies have tried to stand in the way of American freedom. we call on the trust-busters in our government to stop the latest threat to our way of life.”
The investigation will reveal a staggering amount of consolidation according to one insider.
“When Seacrest consolidated his position as host of American Idol, many people just praised his success. Then he took on Dick Clark’s spot on New Year’s Eve. Then Casey Casem’s chair on American Top 40, and Rick Dees morning show on LA radio. That’s when the pattern began to emerge. Now he has moved into red carpet territory. There’s no sign of stopping.”
The most recent and most damning evidence the investigation considered, was Seacrest’s moves into guest hosting and co-hosting Larry King Live.
“Should Larry King and Dick Clark die, our country would be left under the iron grip of Ryan Seacrest. Only late night television would be spared. And with the state of that industry where it is, I can’t believe it will be long before Seacrest makes his move there too.”
The report will recommend breaking up the television personality into three separate Ryan Seacrests. One for radio, one for TV, and one for special events.
“If we are to continue to build a resource of sparkling male presenters for the future, the Seacrest monopoly must end and it must end now,” said our insider.