February 1, 2006
Tim Kaine puts nation at risk, to sleep
The 
newly elected governor of the Commonwealth of Virginia, Timothy Kaine, put the nation in grave danger Tuesday night during his response to the President’s state of the union address.
While hardened analysts were able to discuss the points of Kaine’s speech, most of the nation including police and security forces were put to sleep by the absolue lack of charisma delivered by the Governor.
“The Governor created a rare rehtorical field known as a NeCA or Negative Charismatic Area,” said SuBBrilliant University scientists. “It began by creating a thin linear distribution of reasonable but uncontroversial objections, and then expanded into an event horizon of sleep-inducing lethargy by subtracting charismatic ions from the area surrounding the camera. Oddly televisions amplified the effect. Radio listeners were only put in a slight fugue state, while TV watchers generally nodded off soundly.”
Democrats hoped the southern governor in a Republican state would add emphasis to their parties official retort. Instead most of the country was unaware the Democrats had even spoken.
Republicans roundly criticised the Governor’s speech for putting the country in danger of attack while everyone slumbered.
“I find it not only irresponsible, but suspicious that the Democrats would put such a man in front of national television,” said Republican spokesperson Bill Smith.