February 5, 2006
God says Mohammed cartoon ‘just not funny’
(Heaven) 
– In his first press conference in months, God spoke out on the recent controversy over a Danish editorial cartoon.
“Far from being offensive, I just don’t think it’s funny,” said the supreme being. “Mohammed’s not oversensitive and he’s not offended. But he’s a quiet guy, so I felt I should try to speak out on this on his behalf. The only reason to protest this cartoon is for lack of creativity. It’s a blasphemy against humour, not against me or my prophet.”
The cartoon depicted Mohammed with a bomb for a turban.
“I mean what’s that?” said God. “Oh I’m so funny. I put a bomb in Mohammed’s turban. Get it? He’s a terrorist? Get it? Yeah, real original. Something’s rotten in Denmark, for sure.”
God did not take questions but appealed for a modicum of rationality in response to the cartoon.
“If it makes you feel better to go burn a flag, whatever, but don’t let it get out of hand. I mean we don’t see people dying in response to Carrot Top, and he’s not funny either, in my opinion. But do I strike him down with my wrath? No. Come on people. Have some sense of perspective.”
God concluded the conference by announcing he would count the editorial as a sin for cartoonist Kurt Westergaard. “It’s not like it’s mortal or anything but man, bad taste is a sin. Don’t you agree?”
God declined to conduct the normal question and answer session, and reporters resisted leaving until they got more responses. Press spokesperson Michael stepped in and cleared the room by offering to play some tunes on his trumpet.