March 1, 2006
Apple purchases Bono
(CUPERTINO, CA) – 
According to a tip from a reputable Web message board poster, Apple Inc. is currently in the process of purchasing U2 lead singer Bono.
The poster known as ross said he had irrefutable proof in the form of video and photos. Apple spokesrobots denied the rumour.
“Thanks for your interest in Apple Computers,” said the spokesrobots “We value your favorable press coverage. Please keep an eye out for the next great Apple announcement. It will come you know not how and you know not when. Your question about, buying Bono, will be considered for answering. We have no comment at this time. Thank you for communicating with iPress Corps.”
Subbrilliant News received confirmation of the rumour from a blogger.
“Oh yeah, I have a friend who dates this chick that works in HR at Apple,” said the Blogger. “They not only bought Bono, but they’re planning on a whole new line of Bonos. The Bono Mini to take with you in the car. The PowerBono with multiple processors for use in simultaneous charity appearances. Even a Bono that just speaks in random obscure quotes, called the Buffle. She said she’s try to scan me some pictures to put on my blog.”
Apple fan sites love the acquisition of Bono. Mac fans waxed eloquently about Bono’s sleek design and accessibility.
Critics pointed out Bono’s low market share and high price, and wondered when Bono would become more interoperable.
The new line of Bonos will be announced on March 16 and start at $1,999 for the base model.