October 7, 2008
Presidential Candidate linked to radical ties
(WASHINGTON) – Accusations flew fast and furious today over accusations that a leading presidential candidate had radical ties.
“These pictures are solid proof that this man is not ready to lead this country. The evidence is before your eyes,” said a senior campaign spokesperson.
On display at the press conference were graphic photos of polka dot ties, light-up ties, a piano tie, and even a tie with a three-dimensional realistic hamburger protruding from it.
“In an era of crisis,” stated the spokesperson, “we cannot afford to allow our country to be distracted by novelty items such as these.”
An immediate rebuttal was issued claiming the ties in question were only given to the candidate as gifts and were never worn.
“Rather than rudely return the items, or worse, re-gift them, these ties were respectfully stored at the bottom of a closet where they belong. We see no impropriety here and disclosed these ties at the beginning of our campaign,” read the statement. “We call on our opponent to fully disclose all his ties, and let the American people judge.”
Most voters say they don’t care about what ties candidates may have had in the past, but rather whether their current appearance is genuine.