Sydney - As host of the Olympic Games, Australia is allowed to choose one new exhibition sporting event for trial at the games. Their first choice, Midget Tossing, was cancelled due to a lack of midgets for all participating countries.

"We underestimated the demand for participation," said Jack Thompson, Austrialian Olympics sub-chairman, "Who would have thought there were so many world-class Midget Tossers out there? We thought we had this one in the tucker bag. It was a bitter blow, and it took an awful lot of beer to get us off our feet again."

Australia substituted Crocodile Wrestling as their choice, and won all three medals by default, as no other countries wanted to compete.

"Buncha Sheilas, if you ask me," said gold medal winner Tom Jackson, "afraid of a tiny lil' croc. I'm proud, but I woulda liked to have won fair and square at something with competition, like Beer Chugging. But they gave Beer Chugging to the ladies."

The Australian women's Beer Chugging national team was narrowly edged out by a hard-drinking team from Germany, which had been secretly training for months in Bavaria. The victorious German women were unavailable for comment, but reportedly left the event and went on to best the winning Men's Crocodile Wrestling team at an impromtu Arm Wrestling match at a local public house.