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SuBBrilliant News Archives- July 1993 

Past Articles of SuBBrilliant News for the month of July, 1993 are collected here for your convenience.

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July, 1993

4 Levels of Holiness Announced

1st July, 1993 by Tom Merritt
In an amazing reverie of uninhibited revelation a prophet of the south revealed the mysterious 4 hierarchies of holiness yesterday. 3 of the 4 involve cuts of meat and they are strangely enougl all CHICAGO STYLE.

Entrants to the church are known as "Lamb" for yea though they be wise they are as like sheep to the slaughter in this place. Reveredends such as Richie "Glory" are known as Veal because the enlightenment as had made them tender and overstuffed like children.

The third level can only be reached by marrying Elvis. And the fourth is the mysterious "Beef" level which no one living has yet been known to attain. No instructions on how to attain these levels was given except the instruction "Beware of partaking of the flesh of the animal.
 

Beware! But eat it anyway if ya want." Scholars are pouring over the revelation to reveal more mysteries and their relation to the MAN and to decide if possible The _an who was Thursdav or Julie Shades ever reached "Beef"

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Friendly Advice from Cleetus P. Jasperwacker

"The Man in the White Hat"

1st July, 1993
Dear Cleetus
I recently lost my father in a red farm implement. It looks too small for him to have slipped down a crack but here's a picture of everyone looking
for him. -Embarrassed

Dear Embarrassed
What the fuck is your problem!!! How the hell coul farm implement. ARe you stupid!!! Don't ask me! I themselves not deranged hopeless losers like you.

Dear Friendly Cleetus
My husband always watches sports and won't talk to me. Should I sit dwon with him and tell him that this frustrate; me? -Worried

Dear worried
Thats the sorriest excuse for a marriage I ever heard of. I. the ol boy won't listen throw a couple dishes and scream and holler at him. That'll get his attention the lazy no good pice o crap. Allas worked for my wife.

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SubB-News Under Attack

Publisher flees compound in disguise!!! Man tipped off by Snogbottom

SubBrilliant Compound in Disarray

2nd July, 1993 by Tom Merritt
Tipped off by ex-employee and informant to the man Harry Snogbottom armed troops came to keep us "down" once and for all. Fighting is raging in the product licensing and logo departments and troops are reportedly breaking into the SubBrilliant game show research lab.

However they have not reached the newsroom or printing press as of yet. Nor have the touched the wharehouse of SubBrilliant Merchandise. The publisher however has donned his emergency disguise and fled for fear of having his brain fall into the diabolical hands of the man.

All people are advised to remain away from the compound but to rise up as if you are one calling on the holy Madonna and any who have reached Beef to defend the compound from this evil plague.

Resist in your own ways! Do not imitate or fall into the clutches of the man. Diversity will conquer and win us our tomatoes!

We must eat beetS. The horrible cancellations of Oprah is impending. Red Herring Red Herring The fox is in the henhouse!!! @@@$ccc**G%%%(8u87 This is code f alpha 7 Boil the ping pong balls!1 The ice man melteth. May Day May Day is May First a communist holiday. Begin deactivation of Def Leppard.
Final transmission capabilities in the hands of Broccoli. Spuds!!

Begin Stream...... ......
Publish confirmed stream rleeased evac. Evac. Renovac. Univac. Big Ma

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Today's Stream (Dry?)

2nd July, 1993
like an olive in the bat cave our peril screams out for the egg of spinach to finish aour gravy train when the whistle wilol bvlow the final farewll to the aged squirrels wghich scamper about the lawn and in small gree tuxedos the revelery will continue toi httil the swalows wil 1 camp onn the lawwns of the yuong braaxe bnrasier hae ad with han ds unfurled before the worl d oiiun a symbiotic relationshiup of verty youubn non ending typewriters all smiling at you as if you'd just eaten the 7 blaclkneberry pie but then the line ends and you can' yt fit any more words so you try ot wait for the beep but the neumber won't leave itself on the answering

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20-year-olds Rename Themselves "Fuck You" Generation

15th August, 1993
In a simultaneous independent collective action this week, all people's of the previously named 'twentysomething' agreed to change their generation's label. Until now, scholars have debated such terms as Gneration X, Lost Generation, 13th Generation, baby busters and other monikers.  Most of the members of this lazy group resented being pigeonholed but couldn't find the motivation to do anything about it... until yesterday.

"We thought you know, there's been a me generation so why not the you generation as in fuck you you know... yeah anyway," said 25 year old diner chef Jeff Flyburg.  Major news networks refused to return calls regarding how they would deal with the new official term.
 

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